Odyssey In A Teacup by Houseman Paula

Author:Houseman, Paula [Houseman, Paula]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: WildWoman Publishing
Published: 2015-09-06T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

WEDDING DAZE

We all laughed when I finished telling Reuben the story, but then he looked deflated. I felt guilty for taking the wind out of his sails—his surprise was a lovely, romantic gesture. But I was also a little annoyed because, like Sylvia and Joe, he was making decisions for me. Then I felt guilty for feeling irked.

Reuben shrugged. ‘Oh well, I guess Surfers it is.’

‘Maybe we can fly to Noumea?’ I tried to compensate a little, maybe somehow meet in the middle (flying was okay; I never needed another vomit bag after that trip).

‘It’d be too expensive. Cruises are the most economical way to travel overseas.’

Reuben was an accountant and was very prudent when it came to money matters. Meanwhile, Joe tried in vain to be equally prudent as he griped about the mounting cost of the wedding—back then, the bride’s parents were the ones who footed the bill for the whole thing.

Sylvia bit back. They snapped at each other over the next five weeks. It was like living inside a Pac-man maze. When she assumed the pac-mantle, he was like Clyde (the egotistical ghost who tends to retreat), and when he assumed the pac-mantle, she was like Blinky (the bad-tempered, bossy ghost). They took turns trying to bite each other’s head off—waka waka waka. Nothing new, except that it was probably the only time Joe fought honestly (a man with all guns blazing instead of a sniper). And as the day drew closer, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the best man, Reuben’s closest friend, Norbert, arrived from New York. It was five days before the wedding.

Norbert was short, stocky and fair-skinned. He had oily, wavy, oily black, oily hair. Oily. A receding hairline made his forehead appear very large. His thick black handlebar moustache warehoused small particles of whatever he had just eaten (and just plain whatever), and he ate with his mouth open (ecch). Norbert’s manner was as oily as his hair. He licked his lips a lot (ecch again) and he had the habit of audibly sucking in air between his bared, clenched teeth whenever he saw a woman he fancied, which was pretty much every woman (ecch one more time). He even tried this one on Sylvia when she came into the lounge all dressed up for the Friday night dinner at Greta and Rudy’s. Oh ... ECCH∞ (= ECCH ad infinitum). She found this flattering. Oblivious to his creepiness, she thought Norbert was a good catch. ‘He’s Jewish and he’s a lawyer!’

Huh? How can a lawyer be a good catch?

Sylvia tried to inflict Norbert on Vette, but kept him away from Maxi-the-‘nice’-girl. Norbert had other ideas, though. Myron had stashed a copy of the football magazine and he’d shown the centrefold spread to Norbert. After that, Norbert hit on Maxi at every opportunity. And opportunity presented itself many times because the little oily man stayed at our place. Sylvia had insisted (and Maxi and Vette were often over lending moral support.

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